I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
