haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
