remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
