apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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