Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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