either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
