I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
