If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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