I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
