if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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