I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
