I showed him my bush... on skype.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
