I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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