This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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