my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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