Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
