Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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