I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize