I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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