Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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