Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
