just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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