i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
