i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
