90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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