fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
