So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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