Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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