i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
