halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
