I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need moral support for this bender
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
