the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
