i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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