tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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