Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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