I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
