Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
