id be glad to
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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