I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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