This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
