Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
