I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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