Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
