I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize