Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
