some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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