When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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