if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm eating all of the evidence.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
