I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
