do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
