I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
