Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
