He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
