you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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