i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
