I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize