I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
