he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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