dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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