we made out on top of his cat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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