It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
