youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
