I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
