he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
