Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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