I look better un-naked...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize